How To Help Children And Youth That Have a Tendency To Lie
Habitual
Lying is normal at young ages when children are trying out things and do not know the difference between truth and fiction. However as the child grows older, lying becomes a challenge. Habitual lying harms relationships. It erodes trust. Without help, frequent lying/avoiding telling the truth can become a lifetime habit. Habitual lying can prevent children & youth from facing reality, accepting consequences and getting on with living and learning. Lying feeds patterns of fear, avoidance. Lying tries to control situations and other people. Often children & youth lie when they have been criticized for their thoughts and when they have been frightened by punishment or seeing other children or youth punished. Children & youth’s thinking and feelings can be distorted. The causes of lying can be due to and complicated by combinations of: low self-esteem; family patterns; family stress; family communication patterns; fear of and avoidance of punishment and rejection; anxiety about the unknown; confusing, prolonged stress; nutritional imbalances; exposure to environmental pollutants. Children & youth will also lie to get their own way and to avoid having someone else know and perhaps control their thoughts and actions. Children & youth who are over-controlled often lie the most.
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First, We Would Investigate |
Second, We Would Investigate |
For Long Term Support |
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On Our Own We Would Try: • Bedtime Stories and Chats • Wholesome Pleasures • Replace sodas, juices, sugars, fats, fast foods with water, veggies, whole grains, nuts, protein, fruit, slow food • Long Walks/Hikes • Back Rubs and Foot Massages • Nature • Pets • Less or No TV, Movies, Video/Computer Games |
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For Parents: • Tell the truth yourself. • Praise truth telling. • Remember that lying is a normal part of growing up. • Acknowledging lies when you catch them takes great skill. Harsh acknowledgment can train children & youth to become better liars. • Getting support from parents with the same challenge, religious leaders, local schools can also help. • Health departments and your medical team can help you find parenting classes which will help you avoid power struggles that can cause lying. • Family meetings where children & youth are listened to by adults can also help. • Explain/discuss why telling the truth is important. • Have consistent, not harsh, consequences for lying. • Avoid rewarding or shaming lying. • Figure out why the child or youth is lying and deal with it. |