How To Help Children And Youth Whose Parent Or Family Member Is Dying Or Has Died

Without very sensitive support, this can be devastating for surviving children & youth for the rest of their lives. They want to help but don’t know what to do. They can become afraid about the health and stability of the surviving parent. They can fear being left alone for a long time. Life and love seem to become dangerous. Guilt from not being able to help prevent the death can erode self-esteem. The child or youth can become isolated, withdrawn, anxious, tense, hyper-vigilant and even ill. Children & youth often get confused, thinking they caused the death and/or that they could have prevented it, etc. Children & youth may seek attention and energy in inappropriate ways because all the family energy is going toward the dying/dead person. Family shock, misunderstanding children & youth’s normal needs during grieving, insufficient communication skills, discomfort with intense feelings may prevent other family members from seeing the needs of the child or youth, especially for grieving. Unexpressed grief can effect physical, intellectual and emotional growth. School performance can drop considerably. Negative effects can surface years later in many forms of suffering. Surviving children or youth often have difficulty making good decisions for themselves. Children & youth’s behavior communicates their emotions, particularly, grief, loneliness, pain and confusion. Fortunately, there are many resources available to make children & youth’s lives easier with the death of a parent or family member.